Be Afraid, Be very Afraid
Well now here we go. Deja Vu all over again. I was seriously hoping that it wouldn't strike again, at least for a while. I do know now that this affliction is not fatal. It causes severe, tremedously painful head aches (note: buy SAM sized bottles of Ibuprofen) painful stomach pains (heartburn) and causes men to mutter under their breaths and walk around in circles babbling incoherent foreign phrases.
What is this affliction you ask? WEDDING PLANNING.
Men will come to realize that their checkbook is their most prized possession. Their opinion is asked for only to provide comic relief for the planners. Men are required to write the checks and do the heavy lifting. Life as we know it is put on indefinite hold. The world now revolves around the bride to be and her mother
To make life easier, stand in front of the mirror and practice looking genuinely interested. If the proposed wedding gown is the most hideous thing on the planet, you must look impressed and say things like "it's very pretty" or "I really like that long trailie thing". Utter just one negative and your life will become hell on earth. So practice, practice, practice.
Never mention that it's too expensive. Never complain about all the bride magazines your mailman is now delivering in a large truck. Try to find a corner in your garage or workshop and get really really small. (you can't have mine--it's taken)
Take 2 prilosec OTC, with a double shot of bourbon and endeavor to persevere.
What is this affliction you ask? WEDDING PLANNING.
Men will come to realize that their checkbook is their most prized possession. Their opinion is asked for only to provide comic relief for the planners. Men are required to write the checks and do the heavy lifting. Life as we know it is put on indefinite hold. The world now revolves around the bride to be and her mother
To make life easier, stand in front of the mirror and practice looking genuinely interested. If the proposed wedding gown is the most hideous thing on the planet, you must look impressed and say things like "it's very pretty" or "I really like that long trailie thing". Utter just one negative and your life will become hell on earth. So practice, practice, practice.
Never mention that it's too expensive. Never complain about all the bride magazines your mailman is now delivering in a large truck. Try to find a corner in your garage or workshop and get really really small. (you can't have mine--it's taken)
Take 2 prilosec OTC, with a double shot of bourbon and endeavor to persevere.
posted by Rob | 9:22 AM
10 Comments:
Well I never!
xoxoxo
(We're trying to make this as painless for you as possible, but I wasn't the only one with tears in my eyes when you walked Krissy down the aisle, you know?)
Gee Dad, have you done this before? Oh yea, the wedding of the century for Krissy. Just so you know, you just revealed all your secrets to me. And mom. And Krissy. By the way, how do you feel about a pink tie?
All you have to say is "You look beautiful" - that will do it. If you can actually identify parts of the gown they will think youre weird. Your medical prescription cracks me up. At one point, early on, planning Leslie's wedding I told Don "I cannot fight with you for over a year about this. So I am not telling you what a single thing costs from here on out. Ignorance is bliss - enjoy it." We did fine. I never did add up the receipts. Threw them out about a year ago after Dan went through it too. Still don't know and don't want to. We can spend it on them now or leave it to them; at least this way they're nicer to us. I prefer that to saying nice things at my funeral.
Aunt Bev, Dad called it a trailie thing. I hardly consider that knowing parts of a wedding gown.
Love this part: "causes men to mutter under their breaths and walk around in circles babbling incoherent foreign phrases."
- too funny!
So, um, how long after the wedding will you still be doing this?
No wedding in sight for my 18 year old daughter that I know of (Thank you sweet Jesus!!) and my hubby walks around babbling incoherently all the time anyway......LOL ;-)
Of course, he probably says the same thing about me....from a safe distance. :-)
I will wear a red neckerchief before i put on a pink tie, mandy
Brenda...I just stopped talking in tongue from my first daughters wedding about 6 weeks ago, now here I go again
somebody must have mentioned "wedding" to your husband Diane if he really is talking in tongue.
No way AAron...this is all your fault. It's MY garage, MT garage, mine mine all mine.
Daddy, it wasn't THAT bad, was it? I like to think that I was a very nice bride...there was not a single hint of Bridezilla...until the day of the rehearsal BUT for the most part I did good...didn't I?
Mandy, I'm not quite sure what to say about the pink tie thing except...it's your wedding!
Aunt Bev, I know you would believe me completely if I told you me and mom DID save all our receipts. Nothing like re-opening old wounds...for Daddy. :)
Daddy - how about a pink coursage then?
Sorry, Aaron, but you had to know that was coming. Give him a year or two, and then you can be buddies. Maybe you should offer him treatment for PTSD.
Krissy - speaking of pink, how do you feel about wearing a pink sparkly princess dress? By the way, you actually didn't even come close to Bridezilla - I was very proud of you! As long as you wear the pink hair bow and carry the princess wand, I won't be bridezilla either!
And my husband the commical one, like to end our prayer time
"Thank you good Lord for giving me all boys, for I know I will never have to pay for the wedding all myself, dinner I can handle, but the wedding, no sir it would be too much".
Then I successfully punch him in the arm and tell him you KNOW without a doubt on of our boys is going to fall in love with some girl that has no family and WE WILL have to pay for ALL the wedding. YOU know that now don't you.
He walks off laughing.
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